Valuable failures

This week I was reminded of how gullible and trusting I am. I was reminded of past loves that promise eternity and vanish overnight, of my mother ' s tenacity, my family's love and my own physical limitations. At 5'4", there is only so much a body can do; specially with a herniated lumbar disk and three visits to the ER because of it.
Even though my week was not as successful or productive as I wish it would have been, I am a week closer to my goals. I am a week closer to the picture in my mind. I am closer to the ultimate version of me: I am a little wiser.

This week I actually wrote down everything I did, thinking that would be a nice way to add my blog entry. Day by day, hour by hour. As it turns out, my life is really not that interesting and I think I would bore you to tears.

But here are the highlights:

1) I was cheated out of a good amount of money by a charlatan who promised to help me cut and clean a large number of trees on my property. We signed a contract and as agreed, I gave him 1/2 upfront. To make a long story short, he walked away with slightly more than half the amount agreed and less than half the work done. It was a horrible blow to my pocket and my ego. He was really convincing.

2) After many sweaty hours of reflection and number crunching, I have decided to add electricity to my cabin. As it turns out, the solar array I can afford cannot come close to providing us with comfortable,   cool air. With August's temperatures projected to reach 110+ and no cooling shelters offered by the city,  I need to move quickly towards that goal. I will need to add my solar power to my cabin as supplementary input as time goes by, still with the ultimate goal of it becoming the main source of power in the future. Except on days when the temperatures may reach 110+. I have agreed to do some of the trenching and pulling of wire with a  local licensed electrician who will lower his rate for me because of it. I think this is a wise decision that I will not regret.

3) with lots of trees down and clean up to do, I had my first "burn", assisted by a friend. I chainsawed a lot for two days.

4) I chainsawed too much for two days. By the third day my back was a big painfully tense knot that had to be rested for the rest of the week.

5) while laying in my cabin resting my back and sweating like crazy, I caught up on some reading.

6) I visited the heavenly cool library and applied to two positions at the local public school. Send me good vibes and wish me luck!

7) I tried (and failed) to make a step ladder for my daughter's loft. Armed with my draw knife, hand saw, hammer and nails, I failed miserably and ended my week walking away frustrated after 8+ hours of labor on it and having cut my index finger (skin deep, nothing serious) by 6pm on Sunday. I am very glad to have kept myself away from the chainsaw today.

At the end of my week I sat at the threshold of my back door tired, frustrated and concerned. My mind wandered off as a couple of butterflies fluttered by me. They played, chased each other and soared above me bringing a smile to my face. Then I caught myself not thinking of my worries anymore. All is good. Nature heals. 
My finger will be ok, I have revised my approach to the ladder and will try it again tomorrow. I am well fed, clean and resting in my hot, little cabin full of dreams. My pups are happy and well. Karma will take care of the dishonest man, fall will come soon enough and my baby girl arrives this week.

Life moves forward and so do I, a little wiser and grateful for this week.