Heading back to FL

Well, it has been about two months since I posted my last update. As you could tell back then, things were not going as well as planned.

As you know, a large part of my reason for moving here was to provide my daughter with an opportunity to attend a top notch public school in a small town surrounded by beautiful nature. Being recently divorced,  I was hoping to start working on a career outside of the home while she attended school.

We found that after attending school for 7 weeks (in all AP classes), she was too far ahead of her peers academically and had not encountered anything new to study. This was becoming  extremely counter productive. Although the school was very friendly towards us and tried its best to accommodate her, it could only offer after school activity clubs to compensate for the difference in classroom academics.  This still left the majority of her day empty. It was nothing short of a death sentence to her. Not having the ability or the time to stimulate her mind without disrupting "the system", I was seeing her wither in front of me. Emotionally and academically. So, back to homeschooling it is. And back to plan B for me: Somehow, I have to start from zero by working from home for a few years.

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About homeschooling

I know what some may think: "what about socialization?". We have heard it plenty before. It is enough for me to say that if you know this child, you understand why that is of no concern to us (her and I). Although children should know how to interact with others in their age group, we (her and I) believe that the benefits a mass educational system offers in the realm of "socialization" are grossly exaggerated and not all positive.
I was brought up with the concept that schools are places where you find academic excellence by challenging your intellect in all its realms. If you happen to make good friends along the way, that is a plus, not a requirement. True friends will come your way from many different paths in the course of your life. Ultimately, only a few who share your intrinsic values really stick around anyway. In some cases, not even your chosen spouse turns out to be a friend.

So what is the point of sitting in a room waiting for someone to get a concept that you mastered 2 years ago, waiting for someone to be respectful to an adult so they can teach, or waiting for the adult to give you a 3 second acknowledgement or explanation when you can find the answer yourself? Or better yet, you already know the answer? In our book school is for intense, focused, exiting and stimulating learning. Everything else is a bonus. It is not the other way around. Fun and "friends" can be had anytime, anywhere. Sadly, the majority of students in public schools today don't want to be there because they are too caught up in the whole trendy "school is fun!" motto. Their attitudes, as their minds are being shaped by an unrealistic front made up by others to get them to do what they must do: work. It is a hard reality to face when you are a teen brought up with this motto.

This goes to all teen boys and girls out there; here is how it is: school is work. It is hard work. If you are ready for it, go. If not, get out of the way and find something useful to do with your day. Develop your talents elsewhere and learn to respect other people's time.
Since that is an impossibility, based on our society's (faulty) structural need for 2 parents to work outside of the home, the majority end up going to school.

I think that the popularity of the public school phenomena comes down to lack of trust and money:
1. The parents don't trust themselves being able to educate their child. Both must work to provide in an over inflated, commercialized and material society in order to have safe and clean housing. They must pay for nutritionally empty, pre-packaged, corporate manufactured food to feed the family. They must buy their electricity and water from cities, obey the law of the land and not provide these services for themselves from natural resources wherever possible. All to put their hard earned $ in other people's/ corporations/politicians pockets.

2. The government  does not trust its most basic structure: the family. It must pay for addiction treatment centers, a foster system, a welfare system and all other systems to support adults that have failed to make the best of their resources and  God given gifts. Not surprisingly, this is also a consequence of #1.

3. The schools/teachers cannot trust themselves and do not trust their government. Everything and everyone must be accounted for, explained, justified, categorized, labeled and budgeted. Otherwise they loose funding or their jobs, again, going back to #1.

4. Students don't trust the system or their peers. Students see others be medicated to behave well, never minding the quality or origins of the food they are fed in these institutions. The "food" given is the norm, prepackaged trash that is widely distributed to their local corporate supermarkets by way of contracts with huge manufacturers. Never local farmers. Parents with low income, no time, education, land and/or farming skills have no choice but to let the system feed their children, which only contributes to their sub-par physical and intellectual growth.
Students get used to giving less than their best because that is what they have always known.

5. Parents don't trust their child's innate desire to learn. Screen time and marketing have taken over family time. Our minds have been made to believe that a preset educational system and all encompassing standard will produce an exemplary citizen. Although encouraged in theory individualism, autonomy, self sufficiency, and self exploratory practices have no room in a classroom limited by budgets where children need to compromise in order to learn. Oddly enough these qualities are also highly discouraged by law in some states and in our society in general. 

When children attend school they compromise their emotional development by not having sufficient adult supervision/interaction, hearing derogatory terms said by their immature peers and exposing themselves to negative feelings of sudden detachment when they are not ready.  They compromise their physical well being by being exposed to viral diseases, poor food and other people's aggression. They compromise their intelectual capabilities and self esteem by having to read by a certain age, hitting "benchmarks" as expected, having to wait for others to grasp a concept or being made to feel that they are "not good enough" or a "freaky smart".
So why do they do it? Why do children go to school? Because they trust their parents. But do the parents trust the children? I believe that when parents learn to trust their children's innate wish to learn they empower themselves to become free of a faulty system and allow the individual to shape his/her future based on his/her most pressing interests. Whether a child attends school or not, parents (and family members) must trust that it is the child's innate wish to advance and learn, as much as it is to breathe. After all, we are all programed to succeed in one way or another. Becoming reacquainted with that trust and letting it guide us as adults is the only way to fill the classroom with children who are ready to work hard and who are respectful of each other ' s ideas and individuality including the teacher's.

There is so much more I could bring up.
But I digress...

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The past two months our housing and my land project had to be put on hold by my ex husband's demands, so back to paying for a rental it is. And back to finding a safe, low budget, temporary home that will take 2 dogs for me (as they are family to us and I refuse to euthanize or/and rehome them).

Last, my daughter's personal goals to improve her academic, acting and musical interests created such a stressful environment at home, that I literary could not take it anymore. Nothing is worth so much unhappiness from my child. No matter what I tried (local theater groups, university workshops, band and choir classes at school) the talent and instruction available here does not compare to that available in "Mouse land".  So, back to Florida it is. Back to nightmares of gators floating down the canal with poodles in their jaws, tourist shops and senior citizen drivers.

With much sadness I have had to relinquish the land to its original owner and the cabin to its builder. My grand goal of owning a little piece of dirt to live off grid has to be put on hold for a while. The little money I had invested has gone down the pipes, basically paying rent for a land and cabin that are no longer mine.

We are heading back down to Florida soon, where I can still rent while making kiddo happy, the ex husband happy and the family happy. And me? Well, as always, I have to roll with the punches and wait my turn, it seems. The good thing is that in doing so, I  always seem to manage to find passion in what I do. Even if it is not what I really want to do. As long as I continue to develop myself and I stay away from narcissistic, money and sex driven, toxic, manipulative and bossy people (mainly of the opposite gender), I'll be ok. I am not saying those people don't come in female form. But since it is hard for me to fall for a female, I have to be specially aware of the ones in male form.

Lesson learned: The only true love in life is that of a mother. To everyone else, you are just a puppet to serve their temporary purpose, in one way or another. To fit in their "agenda". The thing some people don't get is that along with the placenta a mother expels at birth, so goes her freedom to be truly selfish again. Although in a person's mind my motives maybe selfish, the love for my child will always prevent that from being true. No divorce, assault of character, bullying, lack (or excess) of funds or degree of bitterness will prevent me from being the best mother I think I need to be for my child. I have no pride or alternate defense in admitting my mistakes, other than being a mother and wanting what is best for my child. I am honest in my motives and stand firm in my convictions, no matter where I am.

Although I feel lonely and sad at times, I have been worse off and I know that as everything else in life, this is temporary. I am healthy, I am whole, I have a gift, a divorce decree and an amazing daughter to see smiling back at me. So, I am very well. I am looking forward to going back to Florida, where warm sunny days, good friends and family will greet us with open arms. I will try my best to stay away from gators and hospitals.

Note to self: Remember: like love, happiness is a state of mind. We choose to be in it.