End of Year 1

End of Year 1 Reflection 

I have just finished the last assignment of my last class of my second semester. This brings my first year (out of three) of my MFA in Studio Arts and Emerging Media at UCF to an end. Yay!

It has been a challenging and frustrating year, mainly because I felt I had to prove myself and my skills, as this year I am the "outsider" and only student who is not a recent graduate of UCF. My classmates in the incoming cohort are less than half my age, giving me a new appreciation for the trials and tribulations that I have lived, while inspiring me with their lust for life, optimism and focus. Everyday, I tried my best while kicking myself for being so rusty, seeing only a shadow of what I could be, if only I had not been distracted and had not distanced myself from my personal artistic practice for so long. It was a painful experience and one that I had to face and move through regardless of how I felt about it. 

First Semester

Besides from the required Studio Concentration class, I did not take a studio elective in my first semester. Instead, my time was occupied with an Advanced Art History class and Desing Principles class (both theory classes), academic research, reading and writing. Knowing fully well where I stood in relation to where I once was, I both dreaded and looked forward to the spring semester. BUt first, I had to take a few days after school had started to deep clean and set up my chosen studio space, which had been well loved the year before. Generally speaking, it was clean enough for a working studio, but apparently not for me. I had to get on my hands and knees, scrub baseboards, fill holes, sand walls and repaint with a favorite wall color to truly make it my space. 

At this time I was also still working as a full time substitute teacher in my (former) classroom at the middle school located an hour + away from UCF, so time was (and contiues to be) my most precious commodity. At the benginning of this semester I also decided to get tested for ADHD, which turned out to be a very real thing for me. Finally, after 53 years of  torturous self deprication and confusion at my inability to be "normal", I was forced to show myself some compassion and to look for resources to help me suceed on this new endeavor. For this, I am grateful. 

Midterm came in extraordinarily quick! Midterm at the graduate level at UCF consists of each student setting up their work in their studio and inviting professors to view and give feedback on it. Although it is an informal review, I found it to be extremely helpful and a great opportunity to talk to professors whose expertise was new to me due to scheduling. Attending professors are there by inviation only and drop by anytime from 9:00am to 4:00 pm, while the event takes place. As this was the first time I encountered the large majority of professors, I incorporated some of my previous work into my set up, to familiarize my visitors with my ideas and aproach. Food is provided throughout the day. 

 The final critique came equally fast eight weeks later. Final critique is a formal event, attended by invited professors, program administrators, upper division students or/and family members. Students choose specific times and locations in which to hang their chosen works in the studio's common area walls and are given a 20 minute time frame in which to rpesent their work and respond to the audience. The audience moves from one location to another, asking questions and/or providing feedback as they see fit. This is also an all-day event and food is provided for all attendees. I'm not going to lie, I was nervous when I saw the number of people who showed up. It was well attended by many new faces, including former professors and notorious allumni from out of state. Students support each other by taking notes during each other's presentations. Midterm and final critique days are exciting and exhausting but also, greatly appreciated! 

Bellow is a quick tour of each day's set up for me during my first semester. 

    

Second Semester

With the exception of Studio Concentration class, graduate studio classes at UCF are blended (made of upper level undergrads and grad students) and not instructional. Graduate students are expected to "know their stuff" (skills) and create work that demonstrates mastery of a chosen medium while developing a cohesive body of work. This was an intimidating notion to me, because I am the kind of person who thinks I know nothing most of the time.

In the spring, I took Advanced Drawing with Associate Professor Theresa Lucey and Advanced Painting with Professor Carla Poindexter. In both classes, the upper level undergrads were inspirational and created superb work. The professors are admirable in their own disciplines and their expertise and love of teaching were present in every interaction I observed.

The

Left: Base Drawing. Charcoal on newsprint, 24"x30".Right: Final Drawing. Polychromos pencil and conte chalk on Arches paper, 16"x 20"

Advanced Drawing class provided students with much needed drawing practice from models, complex still life set ups twice a week, and weekly homework assignments. This class provided an excellent opportunity for me to not only refesh my forgotten basics, but also rebuild my confidence as an artist. 

Graduate students were not expected to create homework but rather bring their drawing practice into their independent work. Class time became serious brain-gym time for me, as I reacquainted myself with drawing concepts learned 30 years prior and blended them into my observations of the UCF instructional method for drawing. I challenged myself to capture someone's likeness from life again, so that was my focus. Prior to taking this class, I had heard of the specificity of the drawing teaching technique at UCF, so I was not only curious but also a little intimidated about it. It turns out, the method relies heavily on analizing intersecting lines to determine angles, which is something I had experienced at the High School of Music and Arts, the Art Student's League and FIT (SUNY). I had also recently reviewed this concept as explained in the title On Drawing Tress and Nature, one of my favorite classic drawing instruction books, written by the victorian arist J.D Harding. 

First portrait after my first instruction of the  "descending line inspection" technique as taught at UCF.

The thing that I found unique here was the encouragement to make and keep the many marks made duting the intial scanning of reference points that compose a drawing, as part of the end result. Keping these marks  show how the artist's eye moves throughout the work, thus keeping evidence of the drawing process at all times. Thanks to this approach, I now have a deeper understanding of the process of drawing as well as a new appreciation for this aesthetic and teaching method, even when I chose not to use it in my own work. 

From left to right #1. MM235.7 NOBO, #2. MM17.6, Big Cypress. #3. MM116, Alvin Ward Park. #4. MM178.9 Micco Landing. #5. MM239, #6. MM226

In painting, I started the semester with a few, 9"X12"monochromatic studies based on photo reference I had taken during my FNST Thru-hike. I used a limited value scale, which enticed close observation of value shapes. At the beginning of the semester, I moved towards a highly planned illustrational style, but at the end I was searching for evidence of a more visceral and spontaneous process in my work. Doing so allowed me to discover joy in the range of marks I produced, while evolving the concept of what a "good" painting should feel and look like for me. 

The midterm and final critique followed the same format as the first semester's, bringing stress, excitment, determination and regretably, quite a few extra pounds into my life. 

   

It truly is like riding a bicycle, even if you wobble and almost fall, eventually it comes back. After my first year, I am grateful beyond belief to be here and eagerly look forward to the next two! 

And now, I need to get ready for a super busy summer! 

Out of the trenches and into the Corps

 A reflection about teaching.

For the last two years I have worked as an art teacher at a local public middle school. What began as an "Temporary Emergency" substitute position due to the surging COVI-19 pandemic turned out to be a fantastic opportunity and invaluable life experience for me. 

6th grade student's masks

I am not going to lie, it was tough. The first year I was assigned to teach 6th grade "Art in World Cultures" in both a virtual and brick-and-mortar classroom settings. Nothing I had experienced as a staff or freelance artist, online or private school teacher, homeschooling mother or Girl Scout leader prepared me to face the challenges of that year. Not even my previous experience in a public classroom as a technology teacher years before prepared me for what I encountered. This was the year of mass mayhem, fear, uncertainty, grief and discomfort for everyone, including our young students. Parents who never imagined homeschooling their children were eager to give this unconventional methodology a try with the hopes of keeping their children safe at home. Unfortunately, the concept of homeschooling is widely misunderstood and as consequence, many remote students were often missing from their virtual classroom. Some were barely present via voice only, showcasing a black screen with their name as they busied themselves surpassing the next level of their favorite video game while pretending to attend class in order to appease their parents. 

Although I don't consider myself a tech guru, I am comfortable enough to not sink from lack of knowledge, so the new technical aspects of the job did not intimidate me. Apps like Google Classroom and Go Guardian saved every teacher in my district and demanded that everyone stepped up to integrate technology in their classrooms like never before. But even with these conveniences at our fingertips, teaching in the public school classroom in 2020 was a heroic act of massive proportions and one that no one outside of the education field will understand fully. I have never been more humbled and grateful towards my co-workers: fellow teachers and administrative staff who fought the same battle along side of me, day in and day out. I can assure you that we all received the well deserved summer vacation of June 2021 with open arms. 

First classroom ready for summer.

The year that I worked as a long term substitute teacher I earned less than half a teacher's annual salary while fulfilling the same responsibilities under extenuating circumstances. I also kept up with training demands made by the local school district and state department of education because I started to work under a "Temporary Teacher Certificate", valid for only 3 years. As a good Girl Scout, I left the place 10 times better than when I found it, organized to the T and ready to be refreshed. I never considered joining the union because I needed to hold on to every penny I made. Mistakenly, I figured that I would join it the moment I got my full teaching credential. 

After the summer break I looked for a permanent position in order to improve my financial situation. It turns out that the teacher I substituted for never returned to her job and the upper grades art teacher relocated out of state during the summer break. Although my hiring was unexpected and late ( I started the year 3 weeks after school was in session), I was ecstatic to return to the same school as a bona fide teacher. Well, as bona fide as my second year temporary credential allowed. My college degree, early childhood education certificate, studio and teaching experiences still required me to take a number of pedagogical college classes (paid out of pocket), and pass a total of six rigorous academic tests in order to obtain my professional teaching certificate. Still, I saw my achievements, the innumerable evenings holding my dog while crying from stress, the hard work and low income of the previous year as worth the trouble to finally obtain the coveted title of "Public school Art Teacher".   

My second year I was assigned to teach Studio Art and Intro to 3D Media for 8th grade. With my new-found thick skin, I was now impervious to the occasional "F*** this class" and other similarly cutting comments thrown at me by clueless and poorly guided teens; mostly when they realized that they actually needed to produce work in order to pass my class. I only had to deal with one insulting parent out of the many I called after school to discuss their student's behavior in my class. The large majority of parents thanked my efforts to help their students and often returned to administration with positive feedback after their interactions with me. For this, I was very grateful. My students were top performers in two local art competitions and I was able to start leading enrichment Art classes at the local art museum. I only cried once due to stress, (towards the end of the school school year), so I can almost congratulate myself for my fortitude. It was a huge leap from the previous year. At the end of the school year, while my colleagues enjoyed their first few weeks of summer vacation, I eagerly stayed behind for an additional 2 weeks, free of pay, to prepare "my" new classroom for the next academic year. I methodically sorted, organized, cleaned, scrubbed and  prepared my classroom, top to bottom, out of 7 years of unkept chaos and into an exemplary space where my students could create freely. The kind principal that hired me retired at the end of the year and I felt determined to start on my best foot with the new administration. Although tired, I was filled with positivity and hope for the new academic year. 

Summer happened as in a dream: very quickly! Besides from fixing the classroom, I was also busy preparing and submitting a portfolio to attend the MFA program in Studio Arts at UCF, which I found out I entered the week that my school district job started. I asked the new school administration to please cover me for a few hours on a regular weekly basis so I could attend the MFA classes but was asked not to make a "harsh decision". When I reiterated the fact that I would attend classes and just needed a few hours per week, I was asked to resign so they could post my position to find someone who could fulfill contract hours fully. Apparently the pandemic had put the substitute teacher pool in our district at an all time low and there are not enough to cover such request. I did as was told and I am now a substitute teacher again. Since then, I have substituted in my own classroom, graded and provided lesson plans after I was made to resign in hopes to make the transition easier for my students. After a few weeks of doing this, I came to find out that the prospective teacher to be hired fell thru and my position was still available. Within days, the job was filled by another teacher in the substitute pool. One that (unlike me) does not attend an MFA program in Studio Arts. 

"To do" board ready for first day back to work.

Somehow, my brain keeps telling me that something went awfully wrong here. Somehow, I can't help to feel utterly unappreciated. Somehow, I think that this would not have happened if my hiring principal was still in place (maybe, maybe not?). I called both the local teacher's association and the district's HR department to consult about my situation but they confirmed that it is up to each principal to accommodate such requests. Also, because I was a sub again and had never joined the teacher's association/ union, they could do nothing for me. 

After investing so much emotionally and physically in a pursuit, it is easy for me to remember that for the most part, we are only numbers to others. We are numbers to the government, we are numbers to our employers. Our partnerships come down to this: How much money can you contribute? If you are a stay-at-home mom, is your contribution fully and sincerely acknowledged to show the monetary value that you bring to the partnership? Probably not. When things go south, stay at home moms are a number to their dearest love and become another bill to pay or to avoid paying. This has been my experience.

 
In moments like this, I also remember that there is a small army of intelligent, empathetic and socially aware individuals fighting for universal income, universal health care and justice for all. These individuals tend to look at people's value beyond their gender, race, educational level, ability to generate income or have work be extracted from them. They tend to look at individuals merely for who they are and acknowledge their right to occupy space, be happy and evolve on this earth simply for being born. Wow, what a concept! Such ideology today is seen as utopian. Our world relies on systematic poverty and incarceration, exploits gentle animals to their death, underpays people who are the structural pillars of our society and over-medicates students to compliance (to name a few).  

Although I am leaving the trenches of public school education before my valuable, temporary teaching certificate expires, I know that I am elevating myself to a different place. In a world of numbers, my consolation is knowing that someday this fact will make my number more valuable to an employer. In my world, this "harsh decision" is in part an act of defiance to people who once told me to stay where I belong (meaning beneath them). I know that I have always been driven  by a promise to myself as an artist and a higher power within me to make more of who I am. The worst moments of my life have been my own doing for forgetting this promise. So I am charging forward in my new path. It is after all, a "Live and learn" kind of life. : ) 

Scarecrow, Oreo and 15 miles to chicken and beer!

Early morning at mile 79 greeted us with wet, dewey tents and smiles from our new friends, "Scarecrow" and his awesome service dog "Oreo".

After shaking and packing our wet tents, we stepped on the trail hoping to accomplish at least 10 miles for the day. That's the moment we met Mosey, a 61 yr old woman from NJ,
owner of Mosey's Hostel at AT mile marker 1338.1 in High Top State Park, NJ. Mosey completed the AT in 2015 and is set to complete the FNST with the class of 2020.

Day 6- A zero day at Big Cypress RV and Campground

View of cabins and RV spaces from the tent area at Big Cypress RV and Campground.

Our decision to take a zero day at Big Cypress RV campground was most definitely the correct one. Like Billy's Swamp's Safari, they offer a special price of $10 p/night for hikers to pitch a tent. But unlike Billy's Swamp Safari, there are no tourists wondering amongst your tent, animals in cages or scout bunk houses. 

Two Chikees (pavilions) service the tent area at the campground.

The RV campground offers hikers a large, open area on the back of the property dedicated to tents only. Free showers and clean bathrooms are a great plus! 

Laundry costs $2 for a washer and $1.50 for a dryer. The office can provide change and sales soap if available. The office also sales ice cream bars 😉. 

Coin operated laundry machines at BC RV Campground.

Pool area at BC RV campground.

Hikers have full use of all amenities on site, including the pool, library and common activity room, where they offer movie nights, exercise or skill classes (such as sewing teddy bears) to its guests. 

The community room and library are located in this building.

Unfortunately the office was out of laundry soap when we were there. Our only alternative was walking 5 miles (round trip) to the nearest convineance store to get some soap. Thankfully, as we were discussing our plan or action, a cheery older woman approached us with a jar full of soap. She and her husband of 21 years were winter birds from Ohio. Hikers and adventurers themselves, they knew we would appreciate the help. We were so  happy for it! They introduced themselves as Dan and Linda and we arranged to meet for an early supper outing later that afternoon. 

Sweet Zuky, Dan and Linda's adventure dog.❤️

It was wonderful not to have a pack on my back, tend to my blisters, be off my feet and use comfortable furniture for a day. It was also a treat when 5:00 pm came around and I didn't have to set my tent again.  

On this day, the Seminole museum (across the street) was holding a special event with gator wrestling, demonstrations and food. Jane, Jerry and Cruise left the campground early in the morning.

The happy winter birds made their way to the museum with folding chairs on hand but Shoeless, New Bear and I decided to stay behind and enjoy a quiet afternoon in the campground. 

First stages of Lilly pad painting.

Although it was a beautiful and warm afternoon, the wind was very strong so I decided to paint indoors. I begun work on a small painting of Lilly pads inspired by my walk along  West Boundary road in the Seminole Reservation. 

Librafy room at BC RV Campground.

While painting and listening to classical music in the small library, Shoeless and NewBear joined me in quiet solidarity. We shared a very nice and relaxing time in this small space away from the weather, noise and people. 

Dan, Linda and Zuky.❤️

Around 5:00pm, Dan and Linda drove the three of us down the road to "The Landing", the closest convenience store/restaurant nearby, where I enjoyed a delicious grilled chicken sandwich and sweet potato fries for dinner. Yum! 

Dan once managed one of the largest car dealers in the New York tri-state area. Linda retired from MetLife. She's six years older than Dan and they are both absolutely lovely people. 

Dan and Linda entertained the three of us throughly with stories of their chance online meeting 21 years ago. Avid and well seasoned adventurers, their mountaineering, sailing and camping stories filled us with laughter and wonder. These were the kind of stories that makes someone say "I want to be like Dan and Linda when I grow up!"

With full bellies and smiles on our faces, we said goodbye to Dan and Linda and walked to out tent sites; where the moonlit grass showed us the way to our cozy beds. 

We needed to rest well as we knew we had a long walk ahead of us again tomorrow. 👣❤️

Day 4. Out of the swamp and meeting "Shoeless"

Thank God Island (MM 26.3) to Nobles camp (MM 35.7) 9.4 miles total.

Breakfast: 2 steel cut oats, pack of freeze dried apples.
Lunch: (at I-75 rest stop) coconut bar, vanilla wafers, Doritos. Water.
Dinner: hot ramen with turkey jerkey while walking up and down to prevent mosquitos from biting me. (Yes, I have Picardin but didn't want to slather anything on me before bedtime)

Today was a gorgeous day to walk. After a restful night at Thank God Island, NewBear and I put on our wet socks and shoes back on and ventured to finish walking thru the swamp.

The beauty of "us". Day 1.

Last night, I started my 2020 

#FTArtHike a little perplexed and on the wrong foot. I drove myself and my friend to Big Cypress National Preserve, to the place I thought was the beginning of the trail only to realize that I was 18 miles west of my destination. With my friend long gone and on her way back home, I set my tent behind a park building in the dark. A bit desilutioned and afraid of the rustling noises coming from the tall grass behind me, I wrote about my dilemma in the FNST Thru hiker class of 2020 support group on FaceBook.

Acorn hits the trail again.

 

Recently, I decided to take some time and hike the 32 miles of Big Cypress on the The Florida National Scenic Trail. The FNST is a 1300 mile footpath that crosses the state from one end to the other. The Big Cypress section begins at the southernmost end of the trail, found at  Oasis Visitor Center. This section is well known for its difficulty due to high water levels, deep mud and wildlife. With this hike, my intention is to start working on a much anticipated art project of painting the Florida National Scenic Trail as I hike it from end to end. It is something I have been wanting to do since I first set foot on the trail, shortly after I was given the trail name "Acorn", about 3.5 years ago.

Art bench/ storage from repurposed 80's cabinets

The kitchen at time of home purchase.
                                                                                                                   

I have been working on my kitchen for some time now. Pretty much from the moment I moved into my house in December of 2015, I have been altering it (or destroying it, if you want to be more precise) one way or another.

Happy food!

EAT!

The past 10 days or so, during the seminar, my work has been mostly in the kitchen. There, I have experienced stress, exhaustion, friendship, happiness and satisfaction.

Everyone at Paradiso Pereti was tested in one way or another and I think that everyone has come thru wiser and better for it. As far as I am concerned, I am a better cook and have increased my Italian vocabulary, so I'm very happy. I also find that my awareness of my environment has increased. The more time I spend with nature around me, the more I treasure the place where I choose to be.

Making marks

LIVE

This is what I have remembered and learned this week while living here:
You deserve love and kindness because you were made by love.
You deserve nothing less than peace, unity, wholesomeness, understanding, patience and happiness because that is what you bring to the world.

You deserve fulfillment of your deepest desires because you were created already able to step up to the challenges that allow you to master your fears.
You deserve to be happy simply because you breathe. Without explanations to anyone. Because you are meant to be here and no one has the right to take that away.

In times when stress and those around you make you forget what you truly deserve, remember the unique abilities you have to give. Remember your gifts.
True love is not personified. It is universal.
Breathe. Live.

My first week at Paradiso Pereti

View from the patio

LOVE

I have been here for a week and two days. Although to me, it is just a week after getting over my jet lag.

In this last week I have had little time to do much thinking or my own things, other than resting. Although I have been given a stern forewarning by my host not to overwork myself, I have managed to do so entirely and gladly by choice.

Grand Canyon NP to Amarillo to the AT, to Tuscany

Confused? I don't blame you.
Last time I wrote an entry here I was starting my journey across the nation and back to my home in FL.
Although a short time has passed, a lot has happened. I will be brief in my recollection of events, not from lack of wonderful memories to share but from lack of time and eagerness to start sharing my current memories.